So I found out Monday that my fracture is not setting properly, and it is time for surgery. I'd love to say that I handled that news with calm determination, but that was not the case. After the surprise wore off, I hung around for the day in various states of sadness, anxiety, fear, and self pity. I can't believe this is happening and that I am going to walk around with hardware in my wrist for the rest of my d
There wasn't anything I could do about it, and my normal tendency would be numb out, to ignore my feelings and push them away, declare them weak and unnecessary. But instead I just let myself have a day or two of overwhelm and let it all come. I did my mom jobs, I did my teaching jobs, and I let everything flow naturally. That's a pretty big step for me as a world class over thinker and over doer! However, letting feelings flow naturally doesn't mean I didn't take easy obvious steps to relieve my own anxiety and fear. I made sure I spent extra time in my typical meditation practice, adding extra elements and really taking the time I needed to quiet my mind. Doing that allows me to remember that I am more than just this body, these emotions, and these thoughts. I have a wealth of peace and strength within - all I need to do is to find my way back there, again and again.
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Well, it's been a long and informative week. Having broken my wrist due to being pulled to the ground in a roller skating rink by an adorable six-year-old, I have learned a few things about operating with one functioning hand in this world.
Things I can do with one hand: ... Get my 15 year old differently-abled daughter dressed and get both her leg braces on. ... Pack lunches and prepare meals, though not well or with gusto. ... Cue yoga poses without demonstrating! Things I cannot do with one hand: ... Unscrew lids. ... Latch bra straps. ... Test for my taekwondo green belt. ...My hair. ( Please enjoy my new hairstyle for the next to 4 to 6 weeks which I am calling "Laura stuck her finger in a light socket") Things I did not do well with 2 hands, which I now must learn: ... To be vulnerable. ... To ask for help. ... To let go of the need to complete the to-do list, along with the resulting ego boost that went with feeling productive and accomplished and completely in control. ... To let myself feel the normal flow of emotions, like frustration, anger, sadness, blame and self pity, and to know that these feelings will pass without destroying me. ...To trust that what I can do is enough. You don't need to attend an asana class to practice yoga. Every moment presented is a chance to express mindfulness, devotion, and surrender. |
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March 2024
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