I did it. Or at least I nearly did. I committed my day to practice in order to detach from the over- activity that I have lately fallen victim to. I spent the morning in meditation and immersion, ate lunch, took a shower, and then went for a walk.
That's the weirdest part of all. I went for a walk.
I did not wear a Fitbit. I did not track my heart rate or miles. I just went for a walk outside in the sunshine.
I listened to the sound of the squirrels in the dry leaves, and the wind passing through the corn stalks. I felt the sun and looked at my lovely country landscape. I let my mind wander and, then brought it back to my mantra. I ended my walk browsing through my garden and sitting by the creek in my own backyard, both places I have been completely ignoring as of late. I felt compelled to do a little bit of clean up, but I tried not to get too involved in the to-do list of the 25 action items that need to take place before winter hits my landscape.
It took some effort, oddly enough. It took some effort to not exert effort. To not get caught up in my regular routine of running around until I completely burn out and crash. I know tomorrow will be different because I'm back on the job, teaching two classes in a row, running errands, etc. But I know I did something kind for myself today, and I hope the lightness I feel right now will carry me through the tougher parts of my day, and remind me that it's ok to slow down.
Behold my morning ritual: coffee at my "desk", which is really just my dining room table with my laptop and piles of paper and other assorted crap on one end. The only thing I enjoy about this scene is my coffee. I am sure there's a phrase out there with the sentiment "cluttered desk, cluttered mind " if not, there it is. Somebody make a meme!
But seriously. The clutter is getting to me lately. My hoarding tendencies are strong, and I just can't seem to get rid of things. What if I need it later? Or if I don't need it later, can it be reused by someone else? Can it be donated or sold? If it can't be reused, can it be recycled? But where and how can it be recycled? By the time I get through my checklist, I'm too tired and confused to do anything about it. So the piles grow. This has gotten worse with my one armed situation, since it's even more tiring to do any sort of physical organization work.
So this morning I'm taking the day off. I'm retiring to my meditation space to listen to an online class by my teacher, and then sit in practice. Although my closets won't wind up organized, my thoughts and mind will, enabling me better tackle these paper piles.
Maybe a few self inquiry questions will pop up in there as well. Why do I hold on so hard to objects? What does this grasping give me, and what does it save me from? What am I so afraid of losing?
Please feel free to share your favorite hoarding stories, organization tips, and excuses for not letting shit go. We're all in this together, after all.
I want to share with you the yoga I practice, teach, and live.